I wanted to write about something that has really been playing on my mind recently, and have been thinking about for quite a while however the past few days have really pushed myself to write it here. Over the past few days, weeks and months, I feel as though I have spent a lot of time constantly focusing on the future, and thinking way to far ahead than I need to. I know, looking forward to something is completely normal, and gives you something to work towards, like a holiday can help you through work or the weekend can get you through school. But I feel like doing this too much, and never living for now and this moment, can almost make the rest of the days unrecognisable, and become unimportant.
After finishing my A Levels recently after two years, finally it seems as though I can do what ever I want with my days, and finally decide what I want to do for me without having to worry about the next assignment that is due, or the homework that I have missed. I think that I have spent the whole two years of my life thinking more about the work, and college, that I never even thought about what else was happening, the people that were drifting away, and I ended up leading a very sad life for that amount of time.
Waking up in the morning, and wishing I could just fast forward until I could get back into bed again is a very sad way to live and I hate the thought of people living their lives for this, wishing their lives away when you could be living. Living your life the way that you want to live it.
I don't exactly have plan for the point I want to make in this blog post, I mostly want to here about what you think and the way that you think people live. I understand, people will always look forward to things, and that is good in the right measure. But living your life wishing you could be at some point in the future?
For the past two years I have spent more time wishing I was at the age I am now, and at the point where I never have to worry about college anymore, that I feel that I haven't lived for the past two years, I have just wished them away.
Very recently, someone very close to me and my family became ill overnight and my boyfriend and I were the one who found them and had to call an ambulance. Before this, I had been worrying about going to work, if I had enough time to eat and get changed into my uniform, if I'd packed everything I needed for staying at my boyfriend's house. Living like this, and not appreciating the people around you whilst you have them is a way that I feel a lot of people live nowadays, no longer talking to people, just having a goal for the future and focusing on that rather than living for the moment that you are in this very second.
Thankfully, they are okay, and are recovering in hospital, however this shocked me, and made it so clear and obvious as to how I was living. I don't exactly know what I wanted to say here, and I don't know if this has actually explained what my thoughts are in my head, I feel as though I have just word vomited onto the screen. I guess what I mean is that, anything can happen at any moment, and that moment when you realise how much time you have wasted so far, is the moment you realise that you have lost some time that you should have cherished and you cannot go back. You're only the age you are now once, right?
What I'm trying to say is; live for now and the people you have around you as they honestly might not be there forever. Get out of bed in the morning with no expectations, as the day might not go as you expected. Look around you and think, what do I want to do now, and just do that.
Do more of what makes you happy.
Until next time,